Hello, everyone!
As of today, I am moving the blog over to WordPress. While I love this blog, I'm doing most of my computing by phone these days, and blogger is not the easiest to use on a mobile device. I do hope you'll join me at my new spot: http://thiskinkylife.wordpress.com/
If you link to this site, please update your link :)
All of the posts from this site have been transferred over, so you're welcome to comment over there!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Spanking and the single girl
For many years (the ones I was with Jack), I didn't spend a great deal of time or energy on the kinky online community. I kept up on my favorite blogs, and once in a great while posted here, but for the most part I shared my inner spanko with only Jack. For me, that was easier. I put on an outgoing face, because it is expected, but deep down I am really very shy. Sharing all those innermost parts of myself with one person was difficult enough, sharing them with an entire group (even the safest sort, neatly tucked away behind computer screens somewhere far far away) was another thing entirely.
I don't think I realized, at first, that when I ended the relationship with Jack I wasn't only walking away from someone I truly loved, but from that safety net as well. I no longer had the luxury of hiding in my cozy little world and I determined to strike out and rebuild a bit of the community I had let slip away.
Mostly it has been a good experience. But I've learned some things along the way. I am not the same person I was five years ago. I am not a blank slate. I am not set in stone. There are many things I want or need, and many that I don't. I understand that I'll compromise on most of them; that two people together are not the whole of them apart - we shift and change, meld and blend, and are better for it, I think.
What I cannot, or perhaps will not, understand, are the people who expect me to be nothing but a reflection of their own needs and desires. Those who send demands for more information about me, but take no time to introduce themselves or tell me why we might get along. Those who are offended by my refusal to feel the least bit submissive to them although we have only just met. And most especially those who start by telling me how they need time to get to know someone, and then after sending three messages of about a sentence each, are suddenly surprised that I don't know them well enough to run off with them.
I am a woman, I enjoy spanking, I happen to be single. I am all of those things, but they are not all of me. I don't compartmentalize my spanko self, she is interwoven with every other part of me - the businesswoman, the friend, the citizen, etc - and that makes her both stronger and more vulnerable. I am as careful with her as with all the others, and I'd like to think others are too.
So I have to ask, as I browse through my FetLife messages, has it always been like this? Did I just not notice before? Can't we all just agree to be polite and respectful and to take the time to get to know each other? When did we all become so impatient that we have lost touch with the journey and focus only on the destination? Perhaps we'll find that we don't agree on the important things, perhaps we won't get along. I still can't consider any time I've spent getting to know someone a waste, because invariably I also get to know something new about myself.
And yet, I understand the rush, the need to find someone who can fill this void that has been growing larger. I can see how finding balance can be difficult. And I wonder if what I perceive as pushy and impatient isn't something else, something more elusive and harder to define. Maybe it is, but I still think there's a place for politeness and common courtesy. If you don't, please find somewhere else to hang your hat and another woman to message.
I don't think I realized, at first, that when I ended the relationship with Jack I wasn't only walking away from someone I truly loved, but from that safety net as well. I no longer had the luxury of hiding in my cozy little world and I determined to strike out and rebuild a bit of the community I had let slip away.
Mostly it has been a good experience. But I've learned some things along the way. I am not the same person I was five years ago. I am not a blank slate. I am not set in stone. There are many things I want or need, and many that I don't. I understand that I'll compromise on most of them; that two people together are not the whole of them apart - we shift and change, meld and blend, and are better for it, I think.
What I cannot, or perhaps will not, understand, are the people who expect me to be nothing but a reflection of their own needs and desires. Those who send demands for more information about me, but take no time to introduce themselves or tell me why we might get along. Those who are offended by my refusal to feel the least bit submissive to them although we have only just met. And most especially those who start by telling me how they need time to get to know someone, and then after sending three messages of about a sentence each, are suddenly surprised that I don't know them well enough to run off with them.
I am a woman, I enjoy spanking, I happen to be single. I am all of those things, but they are not all of me. I don't compartmentalize my spanko self, she is interwoven with every other part of me - the businesswoman, the friend, the citizen, etc - and that makes her both stronger and more vulnerable. I am as careful with her as with all the others, and I'd like to think others are too.
So I have to ask, as I browse through my FetLife messages, has it always been like this? Did I just not notice before? Can't we all just agree to be polite and respectful and to take the time to get to know each other? When did we all become so impatient that we have lost touch with the journey and focus only on the destination? Perhaps we'll find that we don't agree on the important things, perhaps we won't get along. I still can't consider any time I've spent getting to know someone a waste, because invariably I also get to know something new about myself.
And yet, I understand the rush, the need to find someone who can fill this void that has been growing larger. I can see how finding balance can be difficult. And I wonder if what I perceive as pushy and impatient isn't something else, something more elusive and harder to define. Maybe it is, but I still think there's a place for politeness and common courtesy. If you don't, please find somewhere else to hang your hat and another woman to message.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Love Our Lurkers Day!
Happy Love Our Lurkers Day everyone!
Don't know what I'm talking about? Each year, Bonnie over at My Bottom Smarts organizes a wonderful event for spanking bloggers everywhere. On this day each year we ask YOU, the people who silently read (and hopefully enjoy) our blogs, to say hi.
I do hope you'll post a comment today to say hello - I'd love to know who you are (You can post anonymously too, if you feel more comfortable that way)!
Monday, October 18, 2010
LOL Monday
Happy Monday everyone! I love this week's LOL, although it doesn't specifically deal with spanking. Obviously, throwing a girl in a washing machine would be a bit extreme, but I'm curious to know how many (if any) of you include mouthsoaping in your kinky play.
Around here it's wise to avoid such activities, as I have a rather severe reaction to such things which most Tops don't enjoy :)
Around here it's wise to avoid such activities, as I have a rather severe reaction to such things which most Tops don't enjoy :)
Monday, October 11, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
The conclusion to the spanking meme you thought would never end :)
And here it is - the last nine questions in the ultimate spanking meme:
41. Would you rather be humiliated or respected during your spanking? While I don't mind a little embarrassment, humiliation is a big no. There should always be mutual respect within consensual spanking.
42. Would you rather spanking become part of a bigger BDSM alternative lifestyle or spanking just be spanking for spanking sake? When I first discovered kink I had more interest in BDSM, but those interests now lean much more heavily to spanking. I do enjoy a little extra on the side from time to time, though.
43. Would you rather be filmed during a spanking to share your exhibitionist naughtiness or are you too modest to show your bum to the world? While my decision isn't necessarily predicated on modesty, I'd opt not to be photographed or filmed. I have no problem sharing my kink with like-minded people, or even open minded vanilla friends, but that doesn't mean I want videos of myself indulging in spanking out there where anyone could find it. There are certain people (my parents come to mind) who are better off in blissful ignorance and I intend to keep it that way.
44. Would you rather your spanking be gentle and gradual or painful and abrupt? Both serve a purpose and I enjoy both types fairly equally. The most important thing is to match the spanking to the mood. I would be disappointed by a gentle spanking if I was craving the physical and emotional release of a harder, rougher one and I'd probably be out of sorts if I was geared up for something light and gentle and was instead abruptly spanked much harder than I was prepared for.
45. Would you rather be defiant or fearful going into a spanking? Fearful. If I go into a spanking defiant, it never seems to end well (and it's only happened once or twice that I can recall). A little bit of fear adds a wonderful edge to a spanking that I always enjoy.
46. Would you rather be spanked exclusively in your own bedroom or anyplace else other than your own bedroom? If I had to choose one or the other I'd choose anyplace else. Limiting myself to only my bedroom would rule out so many other wonderful options!
47. Would you rather be spanked exclusively on your bottom or other places could be interesting too? My bottom would definitely be my favorite target, but other places are fair game. After all, sometimes my bottom needs a break :)
48. Would you rather a spanking be a surprise or be something you have to look forward to? Oh. Gosh. This one's tough. I really like knowing ahead of time so that I can squirm for a little while anticipating the upcoming spanking. But then again, I really love a surprise. There's just something about being dropped into that headspace suddenly and without warning.
49. Would you rather spanking be a part of role playing kinkiness or a response to events that have happened in reality? I don't mind a little bit of role play, but I much prefer to be myself in a spanking.
And there you have it!
41. Would you rather be humiliated or respected during your spanking? While I don't mind a little embarrassment, humiliation is a big no. There should always be mutual respect within consensual spanking.
42. Would you rather spanking become part of a bigger BDSM alternative lifestyle or spanking just be spanking for spanking sake? When I first discovered kink I had more interest in BDSM, but those interests now lean much more heavily to spanking. I do enjoy a little extra on the side from time to time, though.
43. Would you rather be filmed during a spanking to share your exhibitionist naughtiness or are you too modest to show your bum to the world? While my decision isn't necessarily predicated on modesty, I'd opt not to be photographed or filmed. I have no problem sharing my kink with like-minded people, or even open minded vanilla friends, but that doesn't mean I want videos of myself indulging in spanking out there where anyone could find it. There are certain people (my parents come to mind) who are better off in blissful ignorance and I intend to keep it that way.
44. Would you rather your spanking be gentle and gradual or painful and abrupt? Both serve a purpose and I enjoy both types fairly equally. The most important thing is to match the spanking to the mood. I would be disappointed by a gentle spanking if I was craving the physical and emotional release of a harder, rougher one and I'd probably be out of sorts if I was geared up for something light and gentle and was instead abruptly spanked much harder than I was prepared for.
45. Would you rather be defiant or fearful going into a spanking? Fearful. If I go into a spanking defiant, it never seems to end well (and it's only happened once or twice that I can recall). A little bit of fear adds a wonderful edge to a spanking that I always enjoy.
46. Would you rather be spanked exclusively in your own bedroom or anyplace else other than your own bedroom? If I had to choose one or the other I'd choose anyplace else. Limiting myself to only my bedroom would rule out so many other wonderful options!
47. Would you rather be spanked exclusively on your bottom or other places could be interesting too? My bottom would definitely be my favorite target, but other places are fair game. After all, sometimes my bottom needs a break :)
48. Would you rather a spanking be a surprise or be something you have to look forward to? Oh. Gosh. This one's tough. I really like knowing ahead of time so that I can squirm for a little while anticipating the upcoming spanking. But then again, I really love a surprise. There's just something about being dropped into that headspace suddenly and without warning.
49. Would you rather spanking be a part of role playing kinkiness or a response to events that have happened in reality? I don't mind a little bit of role play, but I much prefer to be myself in a spanking.
And there you have it!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Spanking and more spanking (meme) (part 4)
The fun continues!
31. Would you rather have a safe word or be pushed beyond your preconceived limits? Both. I think a safeword is an important tool when pushing "limits" because it frees the spanker to push and prod past those blurry lines without having to worry that they're going too far.
32. Would you rather your spanker know your spanking history or is ignorance bliss? I don't think every partner needs to know the blow-by-blow descriptions of every spanking I've ever had, but some knowledge of my experience and preferences is useful.
33. Would you rather be spanked by multiple people at one time or just by one person at one time? Multiple people could be fun, but for everyday spanking, I think one is more practical.
34. Would you rather be spanked once a day or once every few months? Multiple times a day isn't an option?
35. Would you rather your spanker be deeply in tune or be totally unaffected to your experience as a spankee? As spanking is an experience shared by the spanker and spankee, I'd want him to be in tune with me and my responses.
36. Would you rather a closer physical relationship or a closer emotional relationship with your spanker? Well, I wouldn't have a closer physical relationship without a close emotional one. But I have had very close platonic relationships with spankers, and enjoy those immensely.
37. Would you rather your spanker ice your bottom down after a spanking or send you to the corner to display his/her accomplishment? Neither? I'd just like a good cuddle, or well...
38. Would you rather your spanker be the person you wish to live the rest of your life with (i.e. marriage) or the person you can call on when your tushy tickles? I hope to marry someone who will enjoy spanking me as much as I enjoy being spanked, but I'm also hoping we'll both be able to share our love of spanking with others. Variety is the spice of life, after all!
39. Would you rather spanking be a part of love making or not a part of love making? Both.
40. Would you rather your spanker have total control over you when you are being spanked or do you still want to have some control while you are being spanked? A little of both. Although I find that if I know I have some control, I have a much harder time letting go of it, which tends to make the experience more difficult for me in the long run.
And next time... the much desired conclusion to the spanking meme, after which you will know everything there is to know about me and spanking that can be answered in 40 questions or less!
31. Would you rather have a safe word or be pushed beyond your preconceived limits? Both. I think a safeword is an important tool when pushing "limits" because it frees the spanker to push and prod past those blurry lines without having to worry that they're going too far.
32. Would you rather your spanker know your spanking history or is ignorance bliss? I don't think every partner needs to know the blow-by-blow descriptions of every spanking I've ever had, but some knowledge of my experience and preferences is useful.
33. Would you rather be spanked by multiple people at one time or just by one person at one time? Multiple people could be fun, but for everyday spanking, I think one is more practical.
34. Would you rather be spanked once a day or once every few months? Multiple times a day isn't an option?
35. Would you rather your spanker be deeply in tune or be totally unaffected to your experience as a spankee? As spanking is an experience shared by the spanker and spankee, I'd want him to be in tune with me and my responses.
36. Would you rather a closer physical relationship or a closer emotional relationship with your spanker? Well, I wouldn't have a closer physical relationship without a close emotional one. But I have had very close platonic relationships with spankers, and enjoy those immensely.
37. Would you rather your spanker ice your bottom down after a spanking or send you to the corner to display his/her accomplishment? Neither? I'd just like a good cuddle, or well...
38. Would you rather your spanker be the person you wish to live the rest of your life with (i.e. marriage) or the person you can call on when your tushy tickles? I hope to marry someone who will enjoy spanking me as much as I enjoy being spanked, but I'm also hoping we'll both be able to share our love of spanking with others. Variety is the spice of life, after all!
39. Would you rather spanking be a part of love making or not a part of love making? Both.
40. Would you rather your spanker have total control over you when you are being spanked or do you still want to have some control while you are being spanked? A little of both. Although I find that if I know I have some control, I have a much harder time letting go of it, which tends to make the experience more difficult for me in the long run.
And next time... the much desired conclusion to the spanking meme, after which you will know everything there is to know about me and spanking that can be answered in 40 questions or less!
Monday, September 20, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
LOL Monday
This week's LOL Monday is dedicated to those kinks that fall outside the realm of spanking - enjoy!
There have been a few news reports about cats who steal underpants from neighboring laundry lines. I guess that's one way to indulge in your panty fetish!
This photo was on failblog recently, but I'd say it's more of a WIN!
There have been a few news reports about cats who steal underpants from neighboring laundry lines. I guess that's one way to indulge in your panty fetish!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Still another spanking meme (part 3)
And on to the third installment of this glimpse into my mind when it comes to all things spanking...
21. Have you received a spanking in the past week? Sadly not. Clearly the world is out of balance ;)
22. Would you rather be spanked for the physical pleasure or the emotional release? I enjoy both, but find that often when I'm really craving a spanking, it's the emotional connection and release that I'm seeking.
23. Would you rather tell your best friends you enjoy be spanked or keep it secret? Many of my friends know. Some know more than others.
24. Would you rather spanking be a lifestyle choice or just something you dabble in? As one of my previous posts on this blog indicates, I don't believe it is a choice. It is a very real part of me, one I wouldn't part with if I could.
25. Would you rather your lover be a vanilla or a spankoholic too? A spanko, through and through.
26. Would you rather be spanked by a stranger or by someone who knew you well? Some of my strongest fantasies involve being spanked by a stranger, but when it comes to real life I prefer to play with someone I know and who knows me. There's so much that goes on during a spanking, both physical and emotional, that a real understanding of your partner makes a huge difference. That said, everyone starts out as a stranger, and I'm always happy to meet and play with someone new.
27. Would you rather be spanked by despotic, mean person or by a compassionate, benevolent person? The first would be pretty hard for me. I generally need for there to be some compassion or connection between me and the spanker.
28. Would you rather be talked to while you are spanked or no talking at all? You can feel free to talk, but I can't promise I'll understand anything you say. My attention will probably be focused elsewhere.
29. Would you rather get one swat at a time with pauses to let the sting set in or a continuous tanning to build up the fire? I guess that depends on if you want me to be able to stay still, or want a wriggling, writhing, girl on your hands.
30. Would you rather be forced into a spanking or willingly submit into a spanking? I'd rather willingly submit, while maintaining a bit of fantasy about being overpowered or controlled.
Until next time...
21. Have you received a spanking in the past week? Sadly not. Clearly the world is out of balance ;)
22. Would you rather be spanked for the physical pleasure or the emotional release? I enjoy both, but find that often when I'm really craving a spanking, it's the emotional connection and release that I'm seeking.
23. Would you rather tell your best friends you enjoy be spanked or keep it secret? Many of my friends know. Some know more than others.
24. Would you rather spanking be a lifestyle choice or just something you dabble in? As one of my previous posts on this blog indicates, I don't believe it is a choice. It is a very real part of me, one I wouldn't part with if I could.
25. Would you rather your lover be a vanilla or a spankoholic too? A spanko, through and through.
26. Would you rather be spanked by a stranger or by someone who knew you well? Some of my strongest fantasies involve being spanked by a stranger, but when it comes to real life I prefer to play with someone I know and who knows me. There's so much that goes on during a spanking, both physical and emotional, that a real understanding of your partner makes a huge difference. That said, everyone starts out as a stranger, and I'm always happy to meet and play with someone new.
27. Would you rather be spanked by despotic, mean person or by a compassionate, benevolent person? The first would be pretty hard for me. I generally need for there to be some compassion or connection between me and the spanker.
28. Would you rather be talked to while you are spanked or no talking at all? You can feel free to talk, but I can't promise I'll understand anything you say. My attention will probably be focused elsewhere.
29. Would you rather get one swat at a time with pauses to let the sting set in or a continuous tanning to build up the fire? I guess that depends on if you want me to be able to stay still, or want a wriggling, writhing, girl on your hands.
30. Would you rather be forced into a spanking or willingly submit into a spanking? I'd rather willingly submit, while maintaining a bit of fantasy about being overpowered or controlled.
Until next time...
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